1
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:04,714
Well, that was a
waste of two hours.
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,416
I can't believe that
your mother and I
3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,685
are the only ones who
enjoyed A Hard Day's Night.
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,653
No, now, I think there
were some other old people
5
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,355
in the audience
who enjoyed it too.
6
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:15,224
Yeah, I hear Beatles
are big in nursing homes.
7
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:17,593
Next time let me
pick the movie, okay?
8
00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,295
Uh, no, we let you
pick the movie last time
9
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,630
and it was terrible.
10
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:24,200
I can't help it if you
don't like subtitles.
11
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,402
At least that movie was
quiet. You could sleep.
12
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:28,905
These guys kept breaking
into song every five minutes.
13
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,340
Elyse, I'm crushed.
14
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,375
How did we raise three
children who don't care
15
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:36,512
that Eleanor Rigby keeps
her face in a jar by the door?
16
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,514
The same way our
parents raised kids
17
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,384
who don't care how
Stella looked by starlight.
18
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,020
I can't believe you guys
used to listen to that music.
19
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,221
It was so boring.
20
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:48,191
They didn't even
break any guitars.
21
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,460
Hey, is that how you
judge music today?
22
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,128
By how many guitars get broken?
23
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:53,863
No, that's how you know
when the song is over.
24
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,164
Ah.
25
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,523
Steven! Come in here quickly!
26
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,654
- Honey, what...?
- What's going on?
27
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,210
My God.
28
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,411
We've been robbed.
29
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:09,546
I can't believe it.
30
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,481
People we don't even
know came in here,
31
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,850
they tracked mud
all over the floor,
32
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,452
they took things
that belong to us.
33
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,153
Why would they do that?
34
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,497
They're burglars,
Elyse. That's their job.
35
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:22,758
I'm gonna go check my room.
36
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,360
Me too.
37
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:26,462
Steven, check the dining
room for the silverware.
38
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,664
It's in the top drawer
of the breakfront.
39
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:30,801
Wow, wait until my
class hears about this
40
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:33,769
during show-and-tell.
41
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,071
Oh, Mommy,
42
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,507
would you mind me tying
you to this chair for a picture?
43
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,642
The kids at school
are hard to impress.
44
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,978
I think the silver's
gone, Elyse.
45
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,446
It... It's not in
the breakfront?
46
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,748
Hard to tell. They
took the breakfront.
47
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,917
They cleaned me out.
They... They took everything.
48
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,486
They took my
calculator collection.
49
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,354
They took my golf clubs.
50
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,523
At least they didn't touch
my Mantovani albums.
51
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,291
That's a relief.
52
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,426
They really made a mess.
They went through everything.
53
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:58,661
Even the linen closet.
54
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,997
Oh, great. Now the
entire underworld knows
55
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,266
that my sheets and
pillowcases don't match.
56
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,036
It's gone! I can't believe it!
57
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,237
They took my most
prized possession!
58
00:02:08,261 --> 00:02:10,873
So we'll get you another mirror.
59
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:14,043
No, they took my
diary. I'm freaking out.
60
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,778
I'm gonna have to leave town.
61
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,047
Don't worry, Mallory.
62
00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,304
I had it xeroxed last week.
63
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,885
You xeroxed my diary?
64
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:26,255
Yeah, and I have
a lot of questions.
65
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:27,857
I'm gonna kill you.
66
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,025
I'm calling the police.
67
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,727
Ma, it's just a
figure of speech.
68
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,428
Now, everybody stay calm.
69
00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:35,264
The important thing is
that nobody was hurt.
70
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,832
Nothing else matters.
71
00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:39,858
That's easy for you to say.
You didn't read her diary.
72
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,385
♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪
73
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,521
♪ For a million years ♪
74
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:00,890
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
75
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,927
♪ For a million more ♪
76
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:06,562
♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪
77
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:09,732
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
78
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:15,138
♪ Well, I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
79
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,941
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
80
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,965
♪ Without us? ♪
81
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:23,947
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
82
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,949
♪ Without us? ♪
83
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:28,551
♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪
84
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:32,289
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
85
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,024
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
86
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,760
♪ Without us? ♪
87
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:40,785
♪ Sha-la-la-lahhh ♪
88
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,429
Ah! Oh.
89
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:15,598
I'm all right. I'm all right.
90
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:18,501
I think the broom's
dead, though.
91
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,765
Just relax, Dad, okay?
I'll check the living room.
92
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,613
It's all clear. Nobody there.
93
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,181
Did you look upstairs?
94
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,650
Upstairs? Yeah, you know,
95
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,374
where we keep the bedrooms.
96
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:39,455
Uh, no, no. I... I
didn't make it up there.
97
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,258
Coward. Look who's talking.
98
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,959
The brave soul who
offered me five dollars
99
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:45,428
to check behind the
shower curtain last night.
100
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,831
I did not, I offered you three.
You said you'd do it for five.
101
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,668
Mallory, if you're scared,
come to me or Daddy.
102
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,069
We don't charge.
103
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,737
I would've, but you
were downstairs
104
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,272
frisking the paperboy.
105
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,007
I wasn't frisking him.
I was checking his ID.
106
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,442
He... He's new on the route.
107
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,578
All right, look. This is
going to have to stop.
108
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:04,747
I will not have my family
afraid in our own home.
109
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:06,316
Can we go to a motel?
110
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:09,552
No. I... I think it's time for
a family meeting about this.
111
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,987
Yeah.
112
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,289
Not another family
meeting. Come on.
113
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,426
Can't we just talk about this
without having a formal meeting?
114
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,494
Just because you two
want to keep up this charade
115
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:20,663
of a '60s participatory
democracy,
116
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,399
why do we have to
be subjected to it?
117
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:23,733
Yeah.
118
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,668
Because we say so.
119
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,403
Okay Okay.
120
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,139
Assigned seats? Assigned seats.
121
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,841
All right.
122
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,344
This meeting will
now come to order.
123
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:37,446
Uh, we'll... We'll
dispense with the minutes.
124
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:38,881
Any old business?
125
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,049
At the last meeting,
126
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,752
we decided to boycott
the following products:
127
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,555
Persian rugs, whale blubber...
128
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,956
Can't we just skip
the old business
129
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,891
and get on to the
problem at hand?
130
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,860
It's highly irregular.
131
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,362
Oh, okay. Okay, look.
132
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,598
I know the burglary's
been hard on everyone,
133
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,266
but we've got to put it past us.
134
00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,537
We can't let fear take
over and destroy our lives.
135
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:03,540
Does that mean I have to
stop sleeping with my light on?
136
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,441
No, no, you keep your light
on as long as you need to
137
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,176
if it makes you feel
more comfortable.
138
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,733
Can Alex keep his on too?
139
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:11,781
Jennifer.
140
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,349
You told me to ask.
141
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,351
I explained that to you. I...
142
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,754
I need the light to read by.
143
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,178
You read by a Donald
Duck nightlight?
144
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:25,762
Ah...! All... All...
All I'm saying...
145
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,630
All I'm saying is we're
going to take some steps
146
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,533
to try and help
us feel safe again.
147
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,869
Yeah, I think we should keep
the house locked at all times.
148
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,404
And don't let any strangers in.
149
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,972
And if you see anybody
acting suspicious, call the police.
150
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,808
We want to know where
you are and who you're with
151
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,209
at all times.
152
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,844
At... At all times?
153
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,179
All times.
154
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,415
Well, as a member of
this democratic household,
155
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:48,050
I move we hold a
vote on the last issue.
156
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,874
Motion denied.
157
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,488
Do you remember last winter
158
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,924
when we all came down
with the cold at the same time?
159
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,727
Yeah, Dad tried to ration
tissues to save trees.
160
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,496
Yeah, well, I think
getting robbed
161
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,764
is a lot like having a cold.
162
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:04,567
You don't get over it all
at once. It takes a while.
163
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,402
Well, we've all been
through this together.
164
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,938
I... I think that we can
help each other out.
165
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:13,376
Well, ever since the robbery,
I can't help feeling real weird.
166
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,044
Mm-hm.
167
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,428
That's because
you are real weird.
168
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,584
No, now, every time
I go into my bedroom,
169
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,187
I feel like there's a
stranger watching me.
170
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,956
That's probably Marty
Obeck across the street.
171
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,992
- Look, Alex, just because...
- All right, look,
172
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,795
I know you're on edge. But
let's try and stick together here.
173
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,429
What do you think
about organizing
174
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,331
a neighborhood
watch meeting, Elyse?
175
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,433
Boy, Dad, you'll do
anything to hold a meeting.
176
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,835
The police said they would
send someone to speak if we did.
177
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:40,937
I think it's a real good idea.
178
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,238
Should we hold it here?
179
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,340
Or... Or maybe we should
call Phyllis and have it over...
180
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:46,442
Chrissy's parents had a
neighborhood watch meeting,
181
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:51,180
and every house on the block
got robbed that night except theirs.
182
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,770
We'll have it here.
183
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,621
Just remember,
nothing's foolproof.
184
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,623
If burglars want to get
in badly enough, they will.
185
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,791
The most you can do
is make it hard for them
186
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,128
and then maybe they'll
go down the block instead,
187
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,629
to your neighbor's house.
188
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,933
Officer. Officer.
189
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,702
Now that you've lost
control of this meeting,
190
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,136
do you mind if I say something?
191
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,105
I have a feeling
you're going to.
192
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,708
Thank you. My
name is Earl Quigley.
193
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,209
I sell insurance.
194
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:23,279
This should be real
subtle and sensitive.
195
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,281
Now, if anybody knows how
vulnerable a house can be,
196
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,615
it's yours truly.
197
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,651
Believe me, there isn't an
alarm system on this earth
198
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,154
that can't be suckered.
Do you want statistics?
199
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,554
I got statistics.
200
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,290
Pick a crime, any crime.
201
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,993
Okay, um, assault and battery.
202
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,560
One of my favorites.
203
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,930
Up 20 percent in this
neighborhood over the last year.
204
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,767
We live in a jungle.
205
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:47,803
At this very moment, there's
a crime being committed
206
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,773
somewhere in this neighborhood,
within a five-mile radius.
207
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,676
You wouldn't happen to
know where, would you?
208
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,110
Let's face it.
209
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:59,181
The only way to really protect
ourselves is to get a G-U-N.
210
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:03,252
Now, I wouldn't recommend
that for most people.
211
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:06,188
Accidents happen. If you've
got a gun, you'd better be careful.
212
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,090
I am.
213
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,326
Well, I gotta be moving on. I
hope I haven't made you people
214
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,994
any more frightened
than you already were.
215
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,596
Well, we appreciate
your honesty.
216
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,233
Burglars are a peculiar breed.
217
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,035
They're not usually satisfied
218
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,470
to hit one house on the
block and then move on.
219
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:22,705
Oh, no.
220
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,575
They'll keep coming
back again and again,
221
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,543
picking on a neighborhood.
222
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,179
Picking, picking, picking,
223
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:32,481
till there's nothing
left to pick on.
224
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:36,285
Leeches, sapping
our strength, our blood.
225
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,925
Did I say the wrong thing?
226
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,049
Which time?
227
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,201
Let's remember to keep him
out of the locker room at halftime.
228
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,504
Can I help you clean
up here a little bit, Elyse?
229
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,639
Thanks, Phyllis. I think
I'll just leave it all out
230
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:57,940
for the burglars.
231
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,909
Well, I can't say this
meeting did a whole lot
232
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,011
for my sense of security.
233
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:05,014
You want security, Keaton?
Get yourself a G-U-N.
234
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:08,050
You don't understand.
We don't believe in guns.
235
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,151
Oh, that's fine and dandy
236
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,787
until you come up against
somebody who does.
237
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:12,888
I gotta be going.
238
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,512
Oh, do you have to?
239
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:19,962
Is that the lock you're
going with, Keaton?
240
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,836
Why can't he understand that
we can't have a gun in the house?
241
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:29,605
We've got three children.
242
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,875
I've got four, and
I've got a gun.
243
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,343
You, Phyllis?
244
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,544
Yes, me.
245
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,112
Hey, you'd be surprised
246
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:40,149
how many people like you
and me have guns these days.
247
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,285
I'd think about
it if I were you.
248
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,786
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
249
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,388
Yeah, sure.
250
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,712
Good night, Steven. Uh,
good... Good night, Phyllis.
251
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:50,192
Jeez.
252
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,294
I can't believe it. Phyllis
Evans has got a gun.
253
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,819
What is going on in
this world, Steven?
254
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:57,099
Steven?
255
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:59,201
Hm? Oh... Oh... Oh, yeah.
256
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,103
Uh...
257
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:03,706
Look, I... I didn't like
the way they put it,
258
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,909
but, uh, well, I
hate to admit it,
259
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:10,079
but maybe some of what
Earl and Phyllis had to say
260
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,213
made some sense.
261
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,483
Maybe we should at
least consider buying a...
262
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,773
A G-U...
263
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,020
You know.
264
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,455
You can't even say it.
265
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,057
My vocal cords can
be very stubborn.
266
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:25,027
It took them six months
to say President N... Nixon.
267
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:28,464
Us? A gun? That... That
seems so terribly wrong.
268
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,199
I... I know. I know.
269
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,869
I also know the
world is changing
270
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,937
and we've got to adjust to it.
271
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:38,107
Last time you said that, you
signed us up for disco lessons.
272
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,809
Ev... Ever since...
273
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,977
Ever since the burglary,
274
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,879
I can't stop myself
from thinking about
275
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:46,215
what might have happened if
we'd been home when they broke in.
276
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,950
I know. That thought
crossed my mind too,
277
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,385
three or four hundred times.
278
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,287
But i-is a gun the answer?
279
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,889
I don't know.
280
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,558
Will you sleep
down here with us?
281
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:56,892
What's the matter?
282
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,361
We're scared.
283
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,530
I mean, um, they're scared.
I'm trying to be supportive.
284
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,932
Su... Sure, sure.
285
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,934
Why don't we all sleep
down here? It'll be fun.
286
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,268
Just like camping.
287
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,804
Am I gonna have to go
to the bathroom outside?
288
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:09,905
Not this trip.
289
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,541
You kids wait down here.
290
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:13,743
Your mother and I will
change into our pajamas
291
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:16,345
and be right back. Yeah.
292
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,513
We will be right back down.
293
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:19,817
Okay, come on.
294
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,533
I don't know. I think
this is a mistake.
295
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:40,202
Now, we're... We're just
here to look at guns, Elyse.
296
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:42,471
We don't have to buy one.
And if it feels like a mistake
297
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,206
we won't. Okay.
298
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,470
There's the gun
department over here.
299
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,312
Oh, look, there's a
sale on long underwear.
300
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,347
Maybe we should
stock up for the kids.
301
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,148
Elyse, we are quite possibly
302
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,351
about to take a
major step in our lives.
303
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,219
It involves the
security, the safety
304
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,921
and the well-being
of our family.
305
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,122
So does underwear.
306
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,657
Now, Elyse.
307
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,714
It's 25 percent off.
308
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,451
I'm coming.
309
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,099
Uh, hi.
310
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,334
Well, what can I do
for you folks, today?
311
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:15,537
W-w-w-well... Well, let's
see. Um... Oh, we, uh...
312
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,206
Uh, we need some camping items.
313
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,608
Some, uh, insect
repellant, a compass,
314
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,009
a collapsible drinking cup,
315
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:23,646
a gun, a canteen,
electric socks.
316
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,382
Okay, suppose we
cut the song and dance.
317
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,372
What kind of gun do you want?
318
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,222
Wha...? Um, what...? Uh,
w-w-what are the different kinds?
319
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,390
Depends.
320
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,658
You just want to
put a nick in him,
321
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:38,082
or do you want to blow him away?
322
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:44,333
W-w-well, a... A nick, I think.
What do you think, honey?
323
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,768
A-a nick sounds fine.
324
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,236
Yes, a nick, then.
325
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,638
Uh, do you want
that to be a small nick,
326
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,508
middle-sized or
the Grand Canyon?
327
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,109
Uh... Uh... Uh, to
tell you the truth,
328
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:56,912
we're not all that sure
that we want to buy a gun.
329
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,647
You see... See,
actually we're pacifists.
330
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,717
We've marched for peace
s-seven... Oh, no, eight times,
331
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,453
if you count that rally in Paris
that we thought was for peace
332
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:07,556
but really it turned out to
be to legalize prostitution.
333
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,625
Our French wasn't
very good at the time.
334
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:10,793
When were you robbed?
335
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,661
How did you know we were robbed?
336
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,297
Well, that's what usually
gets folks like you in here.
337
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:16,765
Now, don't be ashamed.
338
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,101
It's no crime to want
to protect yourselves.
339
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,337
We just never
thought we'd buy a gun.
340
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:25,073
Well, I think this
might be your style.
341
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:28,232
Most of the pacifists who
come in here seem to like it.
342
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:33,215
Well, I... I... I never... I
never h-held a gun before.
343
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:36,240
This is, uh... Uh,
going to take a minute.
344
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,048
Oh, it's you.
345
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,165
They are intimidating,
aren't they?
346
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:52,234
That's what makes
them so popular.
347
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:53,268
What do you think?
348
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:56,038
I don't know.
349
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,908
Part of me wants to
and part of me doesn't.
350
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,199
Which part has the wallet?
351
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,219
Steven, do you realize I...?
352
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,088
I hold in my hand the
power to take a human life?
353
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:17,559
What you're holding is
the power to save a life.
354
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,262
Put it down, anyway.
355
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:23,032
Honey, if... If somebody
broke into the house right now,
356
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,967
we wouldn't be
helpless. That's important.
357
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,835
Yeah, I know that, but
it's... It's like the time
358
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:29,037
your father sent us that
moose head for our anniversary.
359
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:31,140
It's just not us.
360
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:35,678
We're not going to hang
the gun over the fireplace.
361
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,080
We're not hanging the
moose head there, either.
362
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,715
Let's not get into
that argument again.
363
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,651
I was wrong about
the moose head.
364
00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:43,285
Let it stay in Alex's room.
365
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:44,720
Okay.
366
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,188
All I'm saying is that
367
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:49,458
we're going to put the gun in
a drawer and forget about it.
368
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:50,626
Are you with me on this?
369
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,494
I'm willing to try. All right.
370
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,264
I'll keep the gun in my drawer.
371
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,722
We'll keep the bullets in yours.
372
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,926
Well, here I go.
373
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,909
I'm picking up the gun now.
374
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:11,080
I've got the gun and I'm
taking it to the dresser.
375
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,082
Opening the drawer.
376
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:16,240
And I'm putting the gun inside.
377
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,254
Closing the drawer.
378
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:20,523
Put the bullets away for me.
379
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,587
My God, Elyse! You
could have killed me!
380
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,394
Bullets are only dangerous
381
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,584
when they come
directly out of a gun.
382
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,840
Okay, now I'll tell the kids.
383
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,208
You don't have
to tiptoe, Steven.
384
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:42,011
Guns don't go off by themselves.
385
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:43,955
You'd make a lousy
defense lawyer.
386
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,769
Alex, Mallory, Jen...
387
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,785
Hi, Dad. Hi.
388
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:52,855
Um, we were just coming
up to kiss you both good night.
389
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,356
You haven't even had dinner yet.
390
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,557
We might forget.
391
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,226
We didn't want to
take any chances.
392
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,728
Why don't you come on in. We
wanted to talk to you anyway.
393
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,163
Yeah, we thought
something was up
394
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,999
when you two snuck up here
with that package and shut the door.
395
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,433
Kids,
396
00:17:05,457 --> 00:17:07,502
what you are about to see
397
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,961
is strictly off-limits
to all of you.
398
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,142
And if you weren't
mature enough,
399
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:16,646
I wouldn't let
you see it at all.
400
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:21,617
When did you start wearing
colored underwear, Dad?
401
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,019
Uh, oh, wrong drawer.
402
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,563
But, uh, don't touch
that stuff either.
403
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:34,029
Wow, a gun. Can I take that
to school for show-and-tell?
404
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,166
Absolutely not.
You're never to touch it.
405
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,600
We only showed it to you
406
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,769
because we don't want you
to stumble upon it by accident.
407
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:44,606
But we trust you enough to
know that you'll leave it alone.
408
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:47,576
I don't get it. I thought
you two were against guns.
409
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,711
Come over here and sit down.
410
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,413
We'll try and explain it to you.
411
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:54,550
Uh, this isn't gonna require
another family meeting, is it?
412
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:58,787
No, no, no. Look, Mommy
and I love you very much,
413
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,623
and we'll do whatever we have
to, to make sure you're safe.
414
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,593
Now, we'd be a lot happier
if there were no such things
415
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:05,661
as guns in the world,
416
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,363
but we can't ignore them.
417
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:11,132
If a gun will keep someone
from hurting us, then, uh,
418
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,935
we'll have to make
that concession.
419
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,237
We still believe in everything
we've always believed in.
420
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:18,974
I mean, we haven't changed.
It's just the world has changed.
421
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,175
Do you understand?
422
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:23,279
Is that the biggest
gun they had?
423
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,048
Would you prefer a
flamethrower and some grenades?
424
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:27,816
Okay, now, look,
425
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,153
I think we should just try and
put the gun out of our minds.
426
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,755
Hopefully we'll never have
to take it out of the drawer.
427
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,557
So let's just forget
it's there. Okay?
428
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,825
Okay. Yeah.
429
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,760
Okay. What do you say
we go downstairs and eat?
430
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:39,762
Mm. Yeah.
431
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,330
Great. What are we having?
432
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,487
Hamburgers on sesame-seed guns.
433
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,690
Buns.
434
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:51,429
Going hunting?
435
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,942
I thought you were asleep.
436
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,545
Steven, you've been up
four times to check the gun.
437
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,113
I don't think it's
going anywhere.
438
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:01,750
I'm sorry, honey. It's just
making me a little nervous.
439
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,552
Do you think mothballs
are bad for the gun?
440
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,555
If they are, then we'll
just shoot the moths.
441
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,457
I don't know, Elyse.
Ever since the robbery
442
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,493
I've been a little
extra cautious.
443
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,695
It's affected us all.
444
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,997
I haven't just been worrying
about the gun, either.
445
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,299
I checked the kids
six times tonight.
446
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,101
Checked the car.
447
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,245
One of the tires is low.
448
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,471
The plants are holding.
449
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,641
I'm worried about Alex too.
450
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,243
Sleeping all the way over
at Jimmy Barkham's house.
451
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,379
The Barkhams live next door.
452
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,614
Let's not split hairs,
Elyse. He's not in his bed.
453
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,705
Get some rest, sweetie.
454
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:54,958
Know what I admire
most about you, Elyse?
455
00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:59,874
My incomparable
charm and beauty?
456
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:03,545
Your ability to fall
asleep in any situation.
457
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,514
That was my next guess.
458
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:07,850
What was that?
459
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:08,884
I don't know.
460
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,852
Oh!
461
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,554
Somebody's downstairs.
462
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:13,755
Stay here.
463
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,178
I'm going down.
464
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,669
Stop where you are!
465
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,071
Come on, get the lights.
466
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,640
Dad! Dad, open
up. It's me, Alex.
467
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,497
Your firstborn.
468
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,813
Alex, what are you doing here?
469
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,481
I live here, remember?
470
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,684
But you're supposed
to be at Jimmy's.
471
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:45,788
We had a big fight
over social security.
472
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,289
He was for it. ELYSE: Oh!
473
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,457
I... I... I... I felt I couldn't
compromise my principles
474
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:50,592
and stay there.
475
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:52,093
I dropped some
things in the closet.
476
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:53,862
I hope I didn't wake you.
477
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:56,831
Wake us? Yeah... Alex,
you scared us to death.
478
00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:58,533
We thought you were a prowler.
479
00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:01,058
If you hadn't spoken
up I might have...
480
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,394
Challenged me to
a game of tennis?
481
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,476
Where is the gun, Steven?
482
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,646
I... I... I... I... I went to
get it. I opened the drawer.
483
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,336
I even picked it up.
484
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:16,318
I just couldn't do it.
485
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:19,421
I guess I was just afraid
somebody would get hurt.
486
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,323
I know, and I love you for it.
487
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:22,324
Mwah. Well...
488
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:23,780
So do I.
489
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:30,532
Lis... Listen, this whole thing
has shaken me up a little bit,
490
00:21:30,556 --> 00:21:33,435
so, uh, if you don't
mind, I n... I need a drink.
491
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,359
Yeah. I think the Scotch
is in... Wait a minute.
492
00:21:38,031 --> 00:21:39,991
Thought I could
slip that one by you.
493
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:42,010
Is it safe to come down now?
494
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:45,247
Yeah. Yeah. It's
safe. It was just Alex.
495
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:47,249
Did you shoot him, Dad? No.
496
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:51,253
No. There's going to be no
shooting in this house. No guns.
497
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:53,221
We're taking it back in
the morning. Right, Elyse?
498
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,591
Right. When you believed in
something as long as we have
499
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,359
you can't change overnight.
500
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:59,995
I know. I realized that the
minute I picked up the gun.
501
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:01,663
Guns have no place in our lives.
502
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,265
We've worn out too
many pairs of sneakers
503
00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:05,400
triyng to get people
to put guns down.
504
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,836
Good. I have to admit I
haven't real felt comfortable
505
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,137
since we've had it in the house.
506
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:12,374
Guns aren't the right
image for you guys anyway.
507
00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:16,512
Don't you guys still believe
that all you need is love?
508
00:22:16,536 --> 00:22:18,714
Careful, Jennifer,
don't get them started.
509
00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:20,983
Do you remember when we
staged that antiwar sit-in on the...
510
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:22,985
On the steps of the
Justice Department?
511
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:25,054
Too late. They're
back in the '60s.
512
00:22:25,078 --> 00:22:26,788
Of course I remember.
That was a great day.
513
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,523
We beat the
National Guard 6 to 1
514
00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:29,858
in the Frisbee tournament.
515
00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:31,860
I hope you're
satisfied, Jennifer.
516
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:33,429
Hey, look on the bright side.
517
00:22:33,453 --> 00:22:34,796
At least it's not that story
518
00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:38,233
of how they danced naked
in the rain at Woodstock.
519
00:22:38,257 --> 00:22:40,002
Do you remember
what you said to me
520
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:42,537
just before they
took us all away?
521
00:22:42,561 --> 00:22:46,641
You said, "The day I pick up
a weapon against another man
522
00:22:46,665 --> 00:22:49,105
is the day I admit defeat
as a human being."
523
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:51,546
I said that?
524
00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:53,448
I think it was you.
525
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:54,850
Were you wearing a plaid shirt?
526
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,551
Oh, Elyse. I...
I... I'm teasing.
527
00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:57,953
I know it was you.
528
00:22:57,977 --> 00:23:01,189
But, you know, I remember
thinking when you said that,
529
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,580
"This guy is really deep."
530
00:23:06,452 --> 00:23:10,064
Okay, so maybe a... A
gun isn't the answer for us.
531
00:23:10,088 --> 00:23:11,733
We'll probably still
be scared for a while.
532
00:23:11,757 --> 00:23:14,403
But I'd rather live with that
fear than to live with a gun.
533
00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:16,137
Me too. We'll just
have to keep searching
534
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:17,639
for the right thing for us.
535
00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:20,097
Would you consider land
mines in the front lawn?
536
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:22,377
No.
537
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,346
We'll have maps.
538
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:25,614
How about bodyguards?
539
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:27,949
The captain of the football
team looks real strong.
540
00:23:27,973 --> 00:23:29,384
Nice try.
541
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,019
I've got it!
542
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,154
Killer bees!